


That Which Is Left

by ghanima77



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dark, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Manipulative Albus Dumbledore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:20:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28140774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghanima77/pseuds/ghanima77
Summary: In the chaos of war, even heroes can fall through the cracks, and even the most vibrant of lives can leave little behind.
Comments: 22
Kudos: 16





	1. Ashes

Severus Snape’s robes billowed behind him as he strode quickly through the halls of Malfoy Manor. He had been summoned to give the Dark Lord an update as the headmaster of Hogwarts. He passed by the open doors of a large reception room that reeked of sex and death. “Oi, Snape! Fancy a go? We got some nice specimens today,” one of the unkempt imbeciles called from within. 

Severus didn’t break his stride. His Lord had summoned, and he had no desire to keep him waiting. Also, he had no interest in the “fun” his brethren were having inside. He sneered at their childish lust for blood and sex. He had more refined tastes than them. He had more self-control. He ignored the screams, sobs and shrieks from that evening’s “specimens”. No one not wearing a Dark Mark would leave that room alive. They would likely not even survive the next hour. He silently wished them all a swift death that they would likely not receive.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

The Dark Lord was more interested than usual in the goings on at Hogwarts. Apparently the Carrows had been complaining again. It wasn’t his fault that the unskilled duo had no talent for keeping children in line. He deftly let his feelings on the matter be known without being so gouache as to straight out say it. He was a Slytheirn after all. Then again, so were the Carrows. After much discussion, the Dark Lord, satisfied with his findings, released Severus for the evening. 

Unfortunately, his route took him once again past that same reception room. While the party still seemed to be raging, not much could be heard of the hapless “specimens” any longer. He attempted to swiftly move past, but was stopped by an obviously inebriated Rodolphus Lestrange. He managed to block Snape’s path and quickly put an arm around him to halt his progress. “Old friend, indulge me by sharing a drink. You’ve missed all the fun. I’m afraid most of our party favors died on us, but I’m sure I could find something for you,” he slurred. 

Severus tried to extract himself from the other man’s grip, but the older man was strangely strong given his state. “Baby brother rounded up some fine young muggles. Plus, our Scabior found us some nice mudbloods to play with. Come.” He pulled Severus through the door. 

He sighed feeling a headache come on, “One drink, then I must return. I still have much to do tonight.” 

“Of course, of course! I wouldn’t want to distract the headmaster from his duties for too long.” Inside he saw only a few victims left that hadn’t been given the reprieve of death yet. Although, it didn’t look like they had long to wait. He surmised that they would be joining the pile of bodies on the other side of the room shortly. It appeared as if the Death Eaters had quite the raucous evening. The pile of discarded gore made up of countless nude bodies, had leaked an ever-expanding pool of blood, cum and other various bodily fluids. He looked away; he’d seen the like many times. The waste of young life left a small ache in what was left of his heart. He didn’t want to think that one of his students may lie within the mound. 

He was handed a generous glass of fire whiskey as he mingled amongst his fellow Death Eaters. One did have to keep up appearances. One by one the remaining victims, no children, had the life tortured and fucked out of them. Each were haphazardly tossed onto the pile for disposal, nameless and forever lost. 

It was as the last body was thrown on the pile that he noticed something at the edge of the encroaching pool. A wand. His first thought was that one of these idiots had managed to misplace theirs during their frenzy, but then he noticed it. The delicately carved vines that wound their way up the wand. His heart clinched. Perhaps she lost it. Things get misplaced, lost, all the time especially when one was on the run. She couldn’t have been captured; he’d have heard of it. Everyone would have. She couldn’t possibly be lying within that pile along with the other nude and broken souls. It just wasn’t possible. 

Severus steadied himself. No need to panic. He had a cover to maintain, and a discarded wand wasn’t proof of……of anything really. When you really thought about it. He took another drink of his fire whiskey for fortitude and pretended to listen to some long-winded story of past glory that was currently being shared. He glanced over the pile again, just to check, just to make sure. It was a mess of frozen faces, broken limbs and twisted torsos. He estimated maybe 30 or 40 young men and women lay there. He saw nothing that stood out, nothing unique. Then his eye locked on a tuft of hair, brown and overly curly. It emerged from the mass of flesh about halfway down. No part of the owner was visible, only the hair. 

His occlumency shields were cracking. He had to get out of that room. The reeking stench suddenly felt suffocating. “That’s the last one!” Rabastan announced triumphantly and his brethren cheered. “Shall we call the house elves to clear the garbage?” he asked. 

“No need”, answered Rodophus as he lazily sent a stream of fiendfyre to consume the dead. Severus acted quickly, one severing charm and two accios later, and he had both the wand and hair stowed safely within his cloak. 

He watched the fire burn everything to ash, including the surrounding pool. “Let me take care of the waste,” Severus offered and gathered the remaining ashes with a flick of his wand. “They could prove useful and if all else fails, perhaps Sprout can use them in her greenhouses,” he said with a smirk. That caused a hearty laugh amongst the group. 

He turned to Rodolphus, “thank you for the refreshment, but I really must retire. I still have much to do tonight.” 

“Yes, yes,” he responded distractedly. Apparently, he too was no longer interested in staying now that the entertainment was over.

Severus swallowed the last of his fire whiskey and quickly departed. Indeed, he had much to do tonight.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Snape’s pace slowed as he reached the gates of Hogwarts. A gripping weariness seemed to take hold, weighing down his steps. It took immense effort to keep his thoughts from wandering back to the collected items in his cloak. He needed to keep his wits about him as he made it across the castle grounds through its doors. There were eyes and ears everywhere, representing both sides and all willing to bring him down if the opportunity arose. 

He made it all the way to his chambers before his occlumency shields shattered. A wave of anxiety and dread caused him to stumble. He removed the hair and wand from his cloak and set them gently on his writing desk. He summoned a large vase and carefully transferred the ashes into it. He transfigured a lid for the vase and secured it with a sticking charm. He set his makeshift urn besides the other items. 

He looked over the small collection as he contemplated his next move. There were tests he could perform on the hair to ascertain its owner. So much could be read from hair, if one were skilled enough to manage it. Severus was certainly skillful enough, but nowhere ready to know the truth. A moment later, he made his decision. He needed another drink, perhaps a few of them. This was not something he was ready to face sober.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

He sat in his favorite chair watching the fire dance in the fireplace, a glass held loosely in his hand. He was on his whatever-ith drink. He’d lost count at some point, but knew that a house elf had fetched him a new bottle of fire whiskey at some point. The liquid dulled his senses but did little to that ball of dread in his heart. He glanced back at the little desk and the morbid little collection atop it. He was in no state to examine the hair in detail at the moment, but he could no longer put off determining to whom it belonged.

Snape heaved his body from the chair and ambled over to the desk. He lifted his wand and paused. She was still alive now, to his knowledge anyway. In a moment that assurance may be gone. He waited again, for just a few moments. He wanted to savor the world as it was now. A world where she was still in it. A world where he would hear her laugh again, see her smile, have her loyal support. A world that was better and brighter just by having her in it. 

Severus swished his wand over the hair, and that world dissolved into nothingness. A choking sob erupted from his body. His legs, suddenly useless, gave out on him, and he sank gracelessly to the floor. A horrible yet familiar pain ripped through him and threatened to consume his very being. It would not, could not be contained and soon sobs turned to wails. Anger danced with grief as he raged against the unfairness of it all. Hermione Granger was dead.


	2. Remembrance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the feedback! I'm incredibly grateful to everyone who read, commented and left kudos.

If Severus Snape was being honest with himself, Hermione Granger made very little impression on him during her first few years at Hogwarts. During her sorting, he was focused on Potter. He’d hoped that the whelp would take after his mother, but was sorely disappointed. He had foolishly hoped that he may be able to catch a glimpse of his friend once more in the boy. It felt as if James was still mocking him from the grave. Would he ever be free of arrogant Potters? Oh, he had his mother’s eyes, but even that seemed like a cruel joke, distorted as they were by the boy’s glasses. No, Snape had little time for the bushy haired girl.

She still annoyed him like all Gryffindors, but she was just one of a sea of children who filtered through his classes. Her association with Potter didn’t help his opinion of her. Neither did her insistence with helping Longbottom with his work. How was the boy to learn if she did everything for him? Her eagerness to please was an embarrassment, but considering that he disliked most of his students, she hardly stood out. 

As she found herself involved with Potter’s antics more often, she was increasingly brought to his attention. Which hardly helped his opinion of her. What he did notice though was how often the girl was with Weasley and Potter over school breaks. It seemed odd to him considering that, by all accounts, Miss Granger had a good relationship with her parents. He brought it up to Albus only once. It wasn’t as if he cared for the girl. It was just that since she seemed key to keeping the Potter brat alive, that maybe her wellbeing should be maintained. It only made sense after all.

Albus had been evasive, he cited friendship, safety issues and an assumed preference for being around other magical people with the result that Hermione spent less and less time in the muggle world. Severus found the explanation to be trite, but asked no more. He resolved himself to watch the situation more closely in the future, and he did. 

He discovered that the idea to cut her time short with her parents rarely originated with her. The suggestion always came from someone else. Playing on her emotions and sense of loyalty was often used. Snape suspected that this was Dumbledore’s doing. Upon further thought, he also noticed that the Weasley’s security was prioritized over the Granger’s which made little sense to him. The family comprised of five adult members of the Order. Surely, they could handle their own security. The Grangers on the other hand were helpless. The one magical member of their family wasn’t even allowed to use magic while away from school. They were sitting ducks. While that explained why Hermione was often separated from her family, it didn’t explain why their security was such a low priority. Severus found the whole situation to be disgraceful, but apparently even amongst the Order, muggles just weren’t that important. 

***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

It was for that reason that Severus Snape found himself outside the Granger home the summer after Hermione’s fourth year. The Dark Lord had risen. The world was about to turn dark, and he would do what he could to save as many people as possible. That included the three Grangers inside their home. 

He had hoped that his arrival would go unnoticed. Although as soon as he started laying wards around the house, he realized how absurd that hope was. One did not use these types of wards without the occupants being aware, well the magical occupants at least. Hermione swung the front door open wand in hand. She lowered it as soon as she saw him. Snape silently scolded her for this. Now wasn’t the time to be overly trusting. 

The girl did seem to trust him though and understand that he was there to help not only herself but her parents as well. Severus didn’t acknowledge his student and continued his work. He’d expected a barrage of questions as was in the girl’s nature, but she seemed more sedate now. She said nothing, only sitting on the steps of her porch and watching. 

It had taken almost two hours for him to finish his work with Hermione as his constant companion. She had left but once only to return with two cups of tea. She set one on the sidewalk next to him and then returned to the steps to sip her own. Snape decided a break was in order and reached down for the cup. It wasn’t the best cup of tea he’d ever had, but it wasn’t the worst and certainly better than nothing. As he sipped, she spoke, “Are you hungry?”

He shook his head and she said no more. He didn’t mind the silence. They hardly had anything to talk about. Honestly, he was just grateful that the girl even had the ability to be quiet. Once he finished, he returned the cup to the sidewalk and resumed his work while Hermione watched. 

Once he was finally done, he lowered his wand once again. Hermione sensing his work was over got up and retrieved the used cup. She paused in front of him. He looked down at the petite young witch as she looked up. “Thank you,” was all she said. She then turned away and quietly reentered her home. 

The whole experience had been surreal but not unpleasant, Snape reflected. He hadn’t minded her company when she was quiet and not making a nuisance of herself. At least she and her parents would have some security in such dark times. 

*********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

He saw her again after she had been coerced into spending the rest of her summer at Grimmauld Place. Despite his fears, she didn’t say a word about their encounter either to him or anyone else for that matter it seemed. Which was good since he hadn’t exactly mentioned the visit to anyone either. She was polite as ever and seemed to make a point of not annoying him. That was until Dumbledore told Harry about the occlumency lessons. 

He had been furious when Albus had suggested it. It was an absurd idea. The boy hated him and that hatred was mutual. It certainly wouldn’t lead to productive learning environment. It made absolutely no sense why the old man didn’t just train the idiot himself. But no, of course not, when did Albus ever take the easy way when there was a more convoluted option available? There was no conceivable way that this would work. He agreed that the boy needed to learn to keep the Dark Lord out of his head, but this was not the way to go about it. 

It was only two days later that Hermione approached him. She had been exceedingly polite and deferential in her request. She outlined the benefits of such training. Occlumency would be beneficial to the war effort. She acknowledged the animosity between himself and Potter and preposed that she would be able to help Harry with his lessons if she herself received proper instruction. She made it clear that she knew his time was valuable, and that she fully expected that he would turn her down. She told him that if he declined, she wouldn’t mention it again. 

He wasn’t really sure why he considered her request. Normally he would have refused her immediately, but on this day he didn’t. He only told her that he would think on the matter and get back to her. She nodded her head and said no more which was odd for her. Maybe that was why he considered her offer, maybe it was because she didn’t mention his appearance at her house, maybe it was that he knew that Harry’s lessons were a lost cause and perhaps Miss Granger could salvage the situation. Maybe it was because this 15 year old girl was taking the war more seriously than most of the adults around her. Maybe it was because she asked and didn’t demand, that she gave him the choice. For whatever reason, the next day, Severus agreed to train the girl.

He stipulated that the lessons would start the following week. If she was to be of any help to him, then she needed to be further along in her lessons than Harry. Plus, he knew that unlike most children, she wouldn’t balk at summer classes. She seemed pleased with the proposal and quickly accepted.  
Hermione arrived promptly at the designated time for her first lesson. Severus had chosen to use the small potions lab in the basement of Grimmauld Place for their “classroom” for lack of a better term. He quickly went over the basics and concepts of occlumency, while the girl took furious notes. Snape rolled his eyes at her eagerness. She’d be sick of him soon enough once the real training began. “Put your notes down, Miss Granger. They will hardly help with this skill. It must be honed by practice and experience,” Snape drawled. 

Hermione frowned but dutifully set her paper aside. “Stand and face me,” he said gruffly. The girl shot to her feet and stared at him nervously which please Snape. Good, she should be nervous, he thought. Without another word, he whipped out his wand and pointed it at her. “Legilimens!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for humoring and inspiring me. I don't expect this story to be very long. This is no epic. Just one small story in the midst of a terrible war.


	3. Lessons

He penetrated her mind with ridiculous ease. He could tell she was trying to move thoughts away from him, but he was able to easily follow them. He’d already decide to look for her version of the night he placed wards on her house. He had been curious about her demeanor that night, and this seemed as good a time as any to find out. Of course, he could have just asked the child, but that would have required actually conversation.

He found what he was looking for fairly quickly. If Hermione was trying to keep it from him, he couldn’t detect it. He saw the girl in what he assumed was her bedroom. Her Hogwarts trunk was barely unpacked and issues of the Daily Prophet and Muggle newspapers were spread out across her bed. He glanced over them as he felt the fear, anxiety and dread from that day.

He began to see a pattern in the scattered articles and papers. While the Dark Lord was keeping a rather low profile considering the wizarding world’s refusal to acknowledge his return, that didn’t mean he’d been inactive. He had been quietly increasing his influence, reuniting with acolytes and planning extensively in the last few months. Old enemies were being dealt with and the occasional muggle raid was used to keep his Death Eaters sharp. They may not be making waves yet, but if one was attentive, they could see the ripples reflected in the reading materials laid out. She could see the pattern too. It proved that she wasn’t safe, that her family wasn’t safe.

There was a touch of bitterness seeping through. She realized that she had been left defenseless in this house. She had heard much talk about the importance of security, but not one person offered to help with her own. Not _one_. They hadn’t even considered her safety let alone that of her parents.

She felt it then, magic. A _lot_ of magic. It was everywhere. Peaking outside, she saw a dark figure. She didn’t even think. She snatched up her wand and ran downstairs for the door. She was outside before she even had time to consider that maybe she shouldn’t run straight into danger, but her parents were inside. If she could just give them a few minutes to escape...

When she realized that the intruder was her professor, relief flooded her. She trusted him. Always trusted him. Too overwhelmed to speak, she sat and watched. She recognized that he was laying wards. He was protecting her, protecting her family. She wasn’t disposable after all. After a bit she went inside and told her parents that someone from the school was there to put some protections on the house. They seemed concerned by this, but she quickly explained that these were basic in the wizarding world. She told them that she’d asked to get them placed here since she couldn’t do them herself. They accepted this, so she ran to the kitchen to make tea for their guest.  
He was still hard at work when she returned, so she placed the cup next to him and sat back on the porch. She was happy when he stopped for a drink. Besides asking if he wanted something to eat, she remained silent. Oh, she was curious. She’d never seen such spell work done before and was fascinated. The professor seemed to prefer the silence though, so it seemed the very least she could do was remain silent. Severus agreed. Perhaps the girl had some sense after all.  
Mainly Hermione was just grateful. That’s why she couldn’t stop herself from thanking him when his task was done. It didn’t seem the sort of thing that should go unsaid.

*********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Severus pulled himself from her mind just as easily as he slid in. The encounter had not been near so pleasant for Hermione. She stumbled and fell to her knees. “Up, girl,” Snape commanded. “This was only your first try, and this lesson is far from over.”

  
Hermione dragged herself back to her feet, trying to catch her breath. “Why that, sir?” she asked. “I wasn’t hiding it.”

  
“That much was obvious,” Snape drawled. “You need to clear your mind. Now again.”

It looked for a moment that she might argue, but apparently, she thought better of it. “I didn’t tell anyone. If that’s what you’re worried about,” she stated calmly.

“Tell who what, Miss Granger? Have I truly addled your brain that much?” Snape questioned.

“The warding, I didn’t tell anyone.” She repeated.

“And why is that?” he asked.

“Because you didn’t tell anyone. At least it doesn’t seem like you did. The Order didn’t send you, did they, Sir?”

Severus sighed, “I’m not here to be interrogated. If that’s what you were hoping for, then you are sadly mistaken.”

“No,” she said quickly. “I want to learn.”

“Then clear your mind,” he responded.

Hermione straightened and squared her shoulders. “Legilimens!”

*******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

The rest of the lesson went just as poorly. Honestly Severus hadn’t expected her to do well. No one did the first time. One needed to push the student hard in order for them to learn how to build and maintain their shields. They could hardly learn if they didn’t even realize someone was in their head. Subtlety came later, much, much later.  
He sent the girl off with a headache draught and exercises to improve her ability to clear her mind. He thought back to what he’d learned of the girl that day. She was far more perceptive than he had realized. She had been able to see the workings of the Dark Lord from only scraps of information. She’d also figured out that his assistance at her home had not been sanctioned by the Order. While he appreciated that she’d kept the meeting to herself, he hadn’t intended for her to keep it secret. He’d have told her, if that was the case.

Either way, her silence on the issue would make his life easier. He wouldn’t have to explain to Albus why he’d gone to the girl’s home without his knowledge or approval. Plus, he did like that the witch had decided that the best way she could thank him, was by bothering him as little as possible. That explained her silence towards him since her arrival at Grimmauld. He agreed. It was a very good way to thank him. Perhaps teaching the girl would be less tedious than he thought.

*********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

The next lessons, didn’t go any better than the first. She was incapable of keeping her mind clear of thought. She thought constantly, reminding herself, second guessing herself and berating herself for every failure. Even Snape couldn’t reprimand her as well as she managed to reprimand herself. He had been wrong. These lessons had become quite tedious.

“Are you doing the exercises that I gave you?” Snape asked as his frustration mounted. If it was this hard to teach the girl, how would he ever handle the boy?

  
“Yes, sir,” she replied. “Every day, just like you asked.”

  
He eyed her with suspicion even though he already knew that she had. He’d seen as much in her mind. This was pointless, he thought. A complete waste of time. “Perhaps you are simply not inclined to such a skill. Not every witch is. This may simply be an area that the Great Hermione Granger isn’t adept at.” He was giving up. He knew it, but sod it all, he had better ways to spend his time.

“Please, sir! I’m trying, I _promise_. I don’t know why it’s not working, but I am trying. Please, sir, don’t give up on me!” she pleaded, eyes welling with tears.

  
Severus didn’t have use for tears, but her words struck him. Maybe a different method of study would help. He had no use for books on the subject, but maybe the young witch would benefit from a more theory-based approach.

  
“I’m not giving up, Miss Granger. I am merely pointing out that perhaps this skill is beyond you.”

  
“No!” the girl interrupted. “I can do this. I know I can. I’ll do whatever needs to be done. Please, sir”.

  
Severus sighed. She wasn’t going to make it easy to give up. “Very well. We will try a new approach then. I will owl you a selection of books by the end of the day. I expect you to read them all by this time next week. I’ll return then. If I feel that you have adequately absorbed the material, then our lessons will continue. If not, then you will agree to end this folly immediately.”

  
Hermione nodded her head vigorously. “Of course, sir. I’ll read them all. I can write a report on each if you wish. I could…..”

  
“That will be unnecessary, Miss Granger! Just read and absorb. I will test your knowledge when I return.” With that, Severus turned and exited.

*********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

When Snape returned the following week, he half hoped that the girl would fail so he would be released from this dreadful task. A lesser student would have given up long ago, but he knew Granger was tenacious. When he entered his basement lab, Granger was already perched atop one of the stools, a stack of books beside her.

“I read them all, sir.” Severus rolled his eyes. _Of course,_ she did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all who have stuck with me so far! Your encouragement means the world to me.


	4. Common Ground

Severus quickly scanned the pile of books beside the young witch. “Miss Granger, I did not send you all of these books.”

“I know, sir, but once I got started, it reminded me of muggle meditation and mindfulness training. I had my mother send me books on the subject. The correlations between them and occlumency is quite fascinating. In fact…..”

“Stop, Miss Granger! _I_ already know the subject. I do not need lessons on it. Especially not from you,” he sneered. He really had been hoping to cancel these lessons. “Let’s see if any of this reading was actually beneficial. Stand!”

Hermione quickly hopped off the stool and faced her teacher. “Legilimens!”

***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

As much as he hated to admit it, the reading had helped. She hadn’t offered much resistance, but she’d definitely improved. It was something on which he could build. He’d also found her mind to be blessedly less chaotic this time. The lessons would continue.

***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

She improved steadily after that. He couldn’t deny that the girl took learning seriously and was committed to putting in the work. She never asked for leniency, and she never complained. It was actually pleasant to have such an enthusiastic and obedient student. If only she would be this behaved in class, he mused.

As they drew closer to the beginning of the school year, he knew it would be prudent to discuss what she could expect going forward, should she wish to pursue these studies further. Granger was sitting on what he had begun to think of as “her stool” at his work bench. She was still catching her breath after a particularly grueling lesson. “Miss Granger, classes will resume next week. Have you given any thought on whether you’d wish these lessons to continue?” he enquired.

She looked alarmed. “I had thought that they would continue,” she responded. “I’m only beginning to be able to keep you from my mind. I’m nowhere near competent enough to deflect a sustained mental attack.”

“That is true,” Snape agreed. “Your skills are barely passible, and you have much room for improvement. _But,_ ” he continued, “I know that you have been made a prefect, your O.W.L.s are this year, and you still have to take up your duties of tutoring Mr. Potter as well. You seem a bit stretched thin, girl. Do you really have time for additional classes?” He asked.

Hermione had a determined gleam in her eye. “I had thought on that. I’ll just have to manage my time more efficiently. Sir, I truly believe that this skill could be invaluable. I understand that your time will be limited as well, but I’m willing to meet whenever it is convenient to you. That is if you are still willing to train me…” She trailed off, looking up expectantly at her professor.

Severus stared down at the girl for a moment and then sighed. “Then we shall continue our lessons.”

Hermione let out a deep breath, “Thank you, sir. I truly appreciate this.”

“Ah, but wait, Miss Granger. I have a stipulation.” The girl seemed surprised by this. “You are to no longer help Mr. Longbottom in class.”

“But..” Severus held up a hand to interrupt the witch.

“This is non-negotiable, Miss Granger. You are not helping him by coddling him and doing his work for him. That is no way to learn. What would happen, do you think, if he should attempt to brew on his own? Without you there to hold his hand, he could very well be a danger to himself and others.”

Granger looked conflicted. “But how can I help him, sir?”

“That is up to you, but that assistance cannot come during my class. Is that understood?” He eyed the girl as she was having a very obvious conversation with herself.

“Yes, sir. I understand.” Hermione’s head dropped in defeat. “I could tutor him outside of class. Would that be acceptable?” she asked hopefully.

“As I said, I don’t care what you do with the boy, as long as it isn’t in _my_ class.”

She nodded eagerly. “Now, Miss Granger, we must craft a reason for your frequent appearance in my office.”

“Oh!” the girl exclaimed. “I’ve been telling the Weasleys that you’ve been tutoring me on more advanced potions. Would that work?”

Severus thought for a moment. He did occasionally offer students one on one lessons, should they be particularly adept and interested in potions. No one would think twice that he’d taken Granger on. Everyone knew of the witch’s studious nature. He nodded, “yes, I think that could work. I would have to run it by the headmaster, of course.”

“Of course,” she agreed. Granger looked hesitant for a moment. “Have you told him about _these_ lessons?”

“I saw no need,” he calmly replied. “School is not in session, and this is on my own time.”

“Will you tell him now?” she pressed.

“For Merlin’s sake, girl! I thought you’d outgrown your incessant need to question,” he reprimanded.

“But sir, how else will I know what to say, should he ask me?” she said earnestly.

”And why would he feel the need to ask you about something so inconsequential?” he threw back at her.

“And what if he should take a peek in my head and meets resistance? Surely, he’d be suspicious. What would you tell him then? “ The young witched retorted angrily.

“That you apparently _are_ the extraordinary prodigy you so desperately want everyone to think you are,” he sneered back at her.

Hermione brought her hand down on the potion’s bench with enough force to rattle everything on it. “Stop!” she yelled. “Just stop!” She took a deep breath before continuing. “Please just give me a straight answer for once. Why all the secrecy? Why did you put the wards on my house? Why wouldn’t you tell anyone about it? I appreciate it. I really do. Everything you’ve done for me. I’m just…just, so, so…. _sick_ of being in the dark.”

She sighed and seemed to deflate somewhat. She fell back onto her stool, looking defeated. “Nothing makes sense anymore. The Ministry and papers are all trying to convince us that we’re safe. You-know-who is doing who knows what. The headmaster wouldn’t let us tell Harry about anything that was happening. And for that matter, why does he send Harry back to his family every year. They are horrid. Anyone could see that. None of this makes sense.”

Severus studied her for a moment. He knew he would have to trust her at some point. Maybe including her in some confidence would be a good test for her trustworthiness. That was the excuse he told himself. In reality, he didn’t want to keep the girl in the dark. As loath as he was to admit it, the girl was exceedingly bright and perceptive. She was quick to put things together, and that could very well get her hurt.

“I did not tell the Headmaster of our lessons, because he may well have found them to be unnecessary and thus tell me it was not a good use of my time,” Hermione lifted her head, surprised by the confession. “My thinking was the same when it came to the wards. I believed both were prudent and saw no need to inform anyone of my decision. “

“Why didn’t the Order think to protect my home?” she asked with a twinge of bitterness.  
“That I cannot say, Miss Granger. I don’t believe it was a reflection of your worth though. I think they find the muggle world so baffling that they just assumed no one would bother trying to navigate it to find you. I, on the other hand, knew that not to be the case, which is why I acted,” he explained calmly.

“So, I was in danger?” the witch asked hesitantly.

“We are _all_ in danger as long as the Dark Lord lives,” he responded.

Hermione thought for a moment. “I don’t always trust him,” she said quietly.

“Who, Miss Granger?”

“Professor Dumbledore. He….I don’t know. It always seems like he has a plan, always has a hand in everything. Even in the smallest of details,” she explained. Looking down at her hands and frowning. “ I think sometimes those plans get people hurt. I think they get people killed. “

Severus was startled by this confession. She wasn’t wrong. He was just surprised by how much she put together. “That, Miss Granger, is something you need to keep to yourself. Such thoughts can be dangerous.”

The girl looked worried, “would he hurt me?”

“No, of course not.” Snape replied confidently. Although he really didn’t know if that was true. “It is just that he wouldn’t appreciate the loss of faith. It would hurt your chances of ever being a full member of the Order of the Phoenix. That is something you want, is it not?”

“Yes, of course, Professor,” she said.

“Then keep such thoughts to yourself,” he concluded.

“But should I have questions, can I bring them to you,” again the girl looked hopeful.

Snape rolled his eyes and looked heavenward for a moment. “Yes, you may. _If_ you must. Just keep in mind that I may not answer them. And never repeat what I say to those two numbskulls you insist on associating with.”

The girl pursed her lips for a second at the insult to her friends but said nothing. He continued, “I will tell the headmaster of our lessons this summer and the reasoning behind them. There is no need to lie. If he decides to as you say “take a peek” inside your mind, then resist. I doubt he would press much. Just enough to assess your progress. And more importantly, keep your doubts buried.”

“Yes, sir,” she agreed quickly. “You don’t always trust him either, do you, Professor?”

“That, girl, is none of your business!” he said harshly. After a moment he continued. “We don’t always see eye to eye on issues, but that is a far cry from distrust.”

“I understand, sir”

“In that case, this lesson is concluded. I’ll notify you once we are back at Hogwarts, and I’ve had a chance to review my schedule for the semester.” He said dismissing her.

She took the hint and gathered her notes, said a quick thank you and left.

Severus remained in his lab for a while after the girl left, envisioning the mess this school year would be. What with tutoring not one, but two Gryffindors. It was during this contemplation, that a particularly disturbing thought occurred to him. Had he just agreed to become the confidant of a teenage girl? He groaned with the realization. He could feel a headache coming on already.


	5. Change of Plans

He waited three weeks after the start of term to summon the girl. He knew he should have contacted her earlier. Especially considering that Granger was apparently honoring her promise and had ceased helping Longbottom in class. Since he’d also not managed to kill anyone yet was proof that she had started to tutor the boy. While he couldn’t say the idiot had improved, he did seem far less dangerous.

He knew that the witch was getting worried. She had started lingering at the end of class in the hopes he’d speak with her. Still, he wasn’t ready to face her. He had been too angry to address the subject with any sort of composure. He knew he couldn’t hide from her any longer. She was becoming bolder in her attempts to speak with him, and he’d rather not cause a scene in class.

As always, she was punctual. He motioned for the girl to close the door and to sit in the chair opposite his desk. Once she was seated he started. “Miss Granger, I’m afraid there has been a change of plans,” he started. “The headmaster has decided to delay Mr. Potter’s occlumency lessons. He believes it may be to our advantage to have a window into the Dark Lord’s mind.”

“What?!” Hermione jumped to her feet. “But, sir! That’s dangerous! Harry can’t control when he sees something. Even if there could be an advantage, it’s so unreliable as to make it useless,” she ranted, starting to pace in front of the desk. “Plus, if you-know-who should discover the connection, it could be catastrophic!”

“Miss Granger,” Snape attempted to draw her attention with little effect.

“He could be pulling Order secrets from his head as we speak!” Hermione exclaimed, her pacing becoming more frantic.

“Miss Granger!” Snape bellowed. The witch stopped midstride. “I am _well_ aware of the situation.”

Hermione sheepishly sat back down in her seat. “Sorry, sir,” she said softly.

“Now, that you have graced me with your attention once more, we have other matters we must attend to.” He eyed the girl suspiciously, waiting to see if her silence would hold. She nodded to him, so he continued. “Since Potter will not be starting his lessons until the next semester at the earliest, the Headmaster has decided that your lessons are no longer necessary. He believes that your knowledge will be sufficient to help Harry when the time comes and does not believe it a good use of my time for our lessons to continue.”

Hermione looked startled once again and opened her mouth. Severus put a hand up to stop her from descending into another rant. “ _But_ , the headmaster isn’t in control of _my_ free time. I wouldn’t be able to meet during the school day or during office hours. Although, if you were sincere about your offer to meet at any time, then perhaps we can discuss continuing your study of occlumency.”

“I was, sir!” the girl hurriedly answered. “I _am_! Whenever, sir. I want to learn. “

“In that case, we can meet on Monday nights, after supper, 8 pm to 10 pm. Is that acceptable?” he asked.

“Yes, of course! I’ll make it work,” she said earnestly.

“Good, then we will meet Monday evenings in my quarters.” He declared.

The young witch seemed surprised by that request. “Your quarters, sir?”

“Yes, Miss Granger _, my_ quarters. These lessons must be in my spare time in my own personal space,” he explained. He wanted to ensure that Albus kept his nose out of the lessons. The old man was already upset with him for teaching Hermione without his prior authorization. The girl though, still seemed shocked. Taking advantage of the situation, he slipped into her mind with a silent Legilimens. “For Merlin’s sake, girl! Do you not think me human? No, I do not sleep hanging upside-down in the back of my potions cupboard!”

Hermione’s face went red when she realized that he made it in and out of her head without her knowledge. Her blush deepened when she also realized exactly _what_ he saw in her mind. She put her hands over her face and doubled over in embarrassment. Severus smirked down at her. Cheeky girl, he thought and almost laughed at the absurd picture he’d plucked from her mind. 

“Sorry, sir” she groaned. 

“As well you should be. We’ve been at this for months now, and you didn’t even notice my presence. No, this just shows that you have much more to learn. So, are you amenable to this arrangement?” Snape asked the girl who was still doubled over and refused to look up.

“Yes, sir,” she mumbled.

Severus rolled his eyes at the theatrics. Why, oh why did he just volunteer to continue helping her, when he had been given such an easy way out? He knew why he stayed. Because _this_ knowledge, in the hands of _this_ girl may very well help tilt this war in their favor. He saw the Dark Lord’s plans. They needed every advantage they could get, and couldn’t afford to waste such opportunities.

“Very well,” Severus stood. “Come along, then. No time to waste.”

This got the girl to look up. “What, now?” she asked. 

“Of course, now or would you rather go back to your playmates?” he sneered.

The witch sprung to her feet, grabbing her bag. “No, sir! I’m ready.”

Snape didn’t bother to respond; he simply turned with a dramatic swish of his cloak and strode towards the door in the back of his office. Hermione quickly followed. “This is the teacher entrance to my quarters,” he explained when he reached the door. “You will come here and knock twice _and_ only twice, then wait to be admitted. If you knock more than that, I _will_ ignore you. Is that understood?”

The witch nodded so he brought out his wand and lowered the wards for her to enter. He opened the door and waved her through. Once inside, he reestablished his wards. The girl beside him looked nervously around the dark room. With a quick wave of his hand, the room was illuminated. The walls were lined with bookshelves. On one side of the room, two chairs sat in front of a large fireplace with flames dancing merrily inside. A small writing desk was nestled into a small nook between the bookcases on the opposite side of the room. Two doors sat along the far wall.

“This is my sitting room. We will conduct our lessons here. Through that door,” he pointed to the door on the left. “is the lavatory and through the other is my sleeping chambers. You will _never_ enter them. I will not put up with _any_ adolescent nonsense. No whining and absolutely _no snooping_! We may not be in a classroom, but you are still my student. I expect you to behave appropriately. Is that clear?” Again, the young witch only nodded. 

“Then be seated.” He gestured to one of the chairs by the fireplace. The girl dutifully sat as he lowered himself into his own well-worn chair. 

“What reading materials do you have with you?” Snape enquired. 

Hermione frowned. “Um…I have my potions and astronomy texts with me. Oh, and I also have this fascinating book I found on charm creation.”

“That will work. You may read the charms book.” Severus responded.

“Out loud?” Hermione asked.

“No, of course, not aloud.” The wizard sneered. “This evening, I was able to enter your mind, pluck out the information I wanted and retreat, all without your notice. Not every wizard will announce themselves when invading a mind. You need to recognize even the slightest and gentlest of attempts. Tonight, you will read your book, _to yourself_ , and I will periodically enter your mind. If you notice it, inform me. If you don’t, I will retreat and advise you of the failure. You are not to offer any resistance or bring up your shields. We are only focusing on recognizing the feel of an intruder. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir, I do.” The girl replied.

“Then we shall begin.” Snape watched as the witch bent over her book and began to read. He waved his hand and summoned a book of his own.

*******************************************************************

At the end of the evening, Severus had invaded her mind 32 times. Hermione only noticed 7 of them. He shuffled the girl out before curfew despite, her desire to stay longer to try _“just one more time”_. He reminded her that he would not tolerate such nonsense and sent her on her way. 

He wasn’t entirely certain that he had made the right decision by continuing her training. Oh, he was sure that it would be of benefit in the war. That wasn’t the issue. No, the issue was Albus. He would not be pleased when he learned of his disobedience, and he _would_ find out. Very little happened in this castle without the Headmaster’s knowledge. Severus sighed. He’d just have to deal with that complication if and most assuredly _when_ it happened.


	6. Scheduling Conflicts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the hits, kudos, subscriptions and comments! They are all very much appreciated!

Hermione was becoming more adept at recognizing intrusions into her mind. She was now able to detect roughly half of Severus’s attempts. It was great progress in such a short amount of time. He’d be even _more_ pleased if the girl wasn’t as agitated and nervous as she apparently was on this particular night. He didn’t even need to peek into her head to know that something was up. Plus, she was definitely hiding something. He’d be impressed at her skill of occluding him, if he wasn’t so annoyed with the girl.

“Miss Granger!” Snape raised his voice to get her attention. “Am I boring you?”

Hermione jumped in her seat and quickly answered him, “N-No, sir. Sorry, did I fail again?”

“How could you not tell?” he asked. “I was hardly being subtle this time. You _should_ have detected me right away.”

“I apologize, Professor. I-I, well, it’s that, I-I,” the witch stuttered.

“Out with it, Granger! I don’t have all night, and you clearly have something to say.” Snape sneered. 

“Yes, I, um, that is…” Hermione started, then took a deep breath. “Is there any way we can change when we meet, sir? It’s just that something else has come up and well, it’s very important. As important as this, and in some ways maybe even _more_ important. Not that I’m saying that _this_ isn’t important. It is! It’s just that this other thing is…. I can’t explain, but I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t important.” She said in a rush.

Severus rolled his eyes, feeling his own frustration mount. This year was proving to be rather troublesome. Not only was he caught between two masters, he also had to contend with that nosy and insufferable toad, Umbridge. _Now,_ his pupil had better things to do when he had so graciously offered his own time and invited her into his own home, such as it is. “Miss Granger,” he began. “You assured me that you were committed to your training, and now only a few weeks in, you need to what, reschedule?”

The girl had enough sense to look embarrassed. “Yes, I’m so sorry. I would change it if I could, I just _can’t.”_

“I will need a _lot_ more of an explanation, Granger.” Snape threw back at her. 

“I _can’t_ , sir,” she repeated.

“And here I thought you trusted me,” he mocked. “That didn’t last long, now did it?”

“No, sir, I mean. Yes, I do trust you. That isn’t the issue.” Hermione said earnestly.

“Oh, really and just what _is_ the issue?” Severus’s patience was wearing thin.

“I can’t really say. Well, unless you make a commitment not to repeat it, and I don’t want to ask that of you. I _do_ trust you. I really, _really_ do. Can’t you just try to trust me for once?” She looked across to him from “her” chair by the fire.

Severus considered this for a moment. He knew the girl wasn’t one to waste her own time, let alone his. Also, He wasn’t an idiot. He had an idea of what she and Potter were up to. As much as he was loath to admit it. The students desperately needed defense training. They couldn’t afford to lose another year to yet another incompetent DADA teacher, and Umbridge was certainly terminally incompetent. One could not learn defense through books alone. If these Gryffindors thought they could manage to teach some of the children under the toad’s nose, then so much the better. 

“Very well,” Snape said after a few minutes of silence. “I will trust you.” Hermione instantly smiled. “But,” he continued. “If I am to humor you in “rescheduling”, I will want something from you as well.”

“Of course, sir. How can I help?” she said looking confused but deeply curious.

“We can change our meeting time to Thursday evenings. I believe you have rounds at 9 pm that evening, am I correct?” He looked over to the girl.

“Yes, I do,” she responded.

“As to I,” he continued. “You will come here at 6 pm. Since you are encroaching on my own duties, I will require you to grade exams and essays for my 1st and 2nd year students.”

Hermione’s eyes lit up. “Yes, sir, I’d love to help.”

Again, the man rolled his eyes. “I imagined, you would. You may take your supper here while you grade. Afterwards we will continue in your studies until 9 pm.”

“Thank you, sir! You have no idea; I so appreciate this. I really, really do,” the girl was practically dancing in her seat. 

“That will be enough, Miss Granger,” he drawled. “I trust that now that this is settled, that you will be able to sufficiently focus on your studies for the rest of the evening?”

“Oh, yes of course, Professor,” the witch happily responded.

“Then let’s get back to it, shall we?” the girl nodded enthusiastically. “Then continue reading.”

*****************************************************************

Much to his surprised, this new arrangement was quite convenient. Granger was as diligent as ever, and he’d allowed her to start grading his 3rd years. Having someone else do some of his more tedious duties was quite the luxury. Plus, the girl seemed to enjoy the work. Also, Longbottom had yet to melt his caldron so that was yet another advantage. He found that he enjoyed their Thursday meetings. 

Hermione was steadily improving as the weeks went on. Soon she would be ready to move on from detecting an intrusion to deflecting them. She was halfway decent at keeping an intruder out, but needed to learn how to hide information without seeming to. It was a difficult skill to master, but he was confident that she would excel given time.

As much as he hated to admit it and against his better judgement, he was fond of the girl, even proud of her. Not that he’d tell _her_ of course, that would be unseemly. Despite his solitary ways, he found her company pleasant. Hermione had taken to arriving at 5:30 pm so that they could eat their meal together before attending to coursework. They often spoke of whatever academic topic that had caught her fancy that week. She was a voracious learner and wholly unafraid of hard work. Which was good considering that he had no time for foolishness. 

Despite himself he looked forward to Thursday nights. He’d never felt quite so invested in a student before. He’d, of course, heard his colleagues drone on and on about whatever star pupil they had that year. Hermione was often the subject of discussion amongst the professors considering her studious ways. It always seemed ridiculous to be so attached in a student, but he was beginning to understand the appeal. Not that anyone would ever catch him speaking fondly of the young witch at staff meetings. He had a reputation to maintain, after all.

All in all, he was glad he’d agreed to tutor Hermione. The world was getting darker by the day, and it was comforting to see that there was still light in it. He didn’t feel like he deserved it, but was selfish enough to indulge all the same. He sometimes wondered if he’d had a child, if they would be like Hermione. If, by some miracle, he and Lily had……. No, that was one indulgence that he definitely didn’t deserve. Not that he _wanted_ children, of course…… _eve_ r….but, if he _did_ have one, he liked to imagine that they’d be a lot like Hermione Granger.


	7. Tis The Season

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for the support! You may have already noticed, but I'm trying get an update out once a week.

Time flew as the days got shorter and the weather colder. Before Severus knew it, the children were departing for their Christmas break. For his part, he was looking forward to some solitude away from his students. There was only so much he could take from that ignorant lot. He sat in his office avoiding the ruckus outside as Hagrid tried to corral the unruly mob as they waited for the Hogwarts Express. He smiled to himself as he thought of Dolores in the midst of the chaos trying to gain order. 

A rap on the door pulled him from his musings. “Enter,” he called. The door slowly opened, and a mass of brown curly hair emerged from behind it.

“Sorry to bother you, Professor,” she said tentatively. “I just wanted to stop by to drop this off and to wish you a happy Christmas.” She put a small wrapped package on his desk.

“That was unnecessary, Miss Granger,” Snape said eyeing the gift as if it would attack him at any moment.

“I know, sir. I wanted to, and it’s not much, truly.” She looked at him expectantly.

Reluctantly he stretched out his hand to retrieve the package. The wrapping paper was green with a silver bow. He slowly removed it to get to the gift inside then frowned.

“I know, I warned you it wasn’t much,” Hermione said nervously. “My gram used to love them. They were her favorite, and she always made sure that everyone in the family got a box of them each Christmas” she explained.

Snape looked down at the box of biscuits. “Thank you, Miss Granger. I’m sure I shall enjoy them,” he said.

Hermione smiled broadly at that. “And what of your holiday plans, Miss Granger. I had thought you would have left last night with Potter and the Weasleys.” The attack on the Wesley patriarch had been brutal, and it was fortunate that he’d been found alive.

“Oh, uh, no that was family only and well Harry. Which makes sense when you think about it. I mean I’m sure he would have wanted to make sure that Mr. Weasley was alright after, you know, what he saw,” she said.

“Of course, what was I thinking,” Snape responded. “And your plans?” He asked again.

“I’m going skiing with my parents. I’m not much for skiing truthfully, but I do love the snow and the mountains. I usually find a good book and sit in front of a fireplace and read. Oh, I do like sledding though,” she added happily. “My dad promised to go with me. It’s always fun and takes very little skill.” 

“That indeed would be for the best, Miss Granger. I _have_ seen you on a broom before,” he smirked.

Hermione huffed at this and then laughed. “Yes, I’m pants at riding a broom. I prefer to keep my feet to the ground as opposed to flying around or strapping boards to my feet and hoping for the best.”

Severus let out a small chuckle. “Well, enjoy your break, Miss Granger. I will see you went next term begins.”

“Yes, thank you. I had better go before the train leaves without me,” she said as she left the room.

He waited a few moments to make sure she didn’t return, then examined his gift. Cornish Fairings, they’d been a favorite of his as well as a child. His family never had enough money to waste on such frivolous things as biscuits, but his neighbor did. Mrs. Davies was a widow that lived next door. She had been kind to him and his mother. She’d even opened her home to them a few times when things got a bit too rough at his own house. 

Mrs. Davies always snuck him and his mother a box of Cornish Fairings every Christmas. It had been a secret between him and his mother. Late Christmas night, they would wait until his father passed out. Then his mother would get out her good tea service. The one she always hid from his father for fear he’d pawn it or simply destroy it in a fit of anger. She’d make them a pot of tea and sneak to his room. There they had their own Christmas celebration. Drinking tea from fancy cups and eating “fancy” biscuits.

The memory was bittersweet. Mrs. Davies passed away shortly after Severus’s nineth birthday, and his mother… Well, she “passed away” later, although she wasn’t given the mercy of dying in her sleep from old age. He sighed; he hadn’t had a Cornish Fairing since Mrs. Davies’s death. It didn’t seem like the kind of thing one bought for oneself. Now, he’d been gifted once more. He decided that he would wait until Christmas to eat them. Maybe, for once, he’d be able to dwell on those few pleasant memories from his childhood.

*****************************************************************

He was interrupted later that same day by yet another knock on his door. Severus let out a long-suffering sigh. “Enter,” he called. This time Albus poked his head in. 

“Are you busy, Severus,” the old man enquired.

“Does it matter?” Snape retorted.

“Now, Severus. No need for unpleasantness,” Dumbledore admonished. “I merely wanted to give you an update on Arthur. I thought you’d like to know that he survived the night. The healers say that he’s not out of the woods yet, but they are hopeful.”

Severus nodded. He was glad the man survived the attack. Most didn’t after an encounter with Nagini.

“Oh, Cornish Fairings! May I have one?” Dumbledore asked. 

“I’d rather you didn’t, Albus,” he’d just gotten this treat, and he had no intention of sharing.

“Certainly, Severus. Forgive my eagerness. I always find it hard to resist sweets,” the wizard said jovially. He eyed the wrapping paper. “A gift then? From whom? I didn’t think Slytherins were apt to give such presents.”

Nosy old coot, Snape thought. “If you must know, Miss Granger gave them to me.”

“Ah,” the old man responded. “A thank you for the lessons, I suppose?”

“I suppose,” he repeated neutrally. And there is it, he smirked. The old busy body finally decided to confront him about teaching Hermione. 

“I must say, Severus. I was most surprised when I learned that you were still teaching her after I’d asked you to stop,” Dumbledore said pointedly.

“You did not ask me to stop the lessons, Albus. You told me that they were a waste of my time, a distraction from my duties. That is why I continued them in my own spare time,” he said calmly.

“Hmmm. Is that why you relocated the classes to your personal quarters,” the old wizard asked.

“Precisely,” Snape smirked. He had no intention of giving the man any more that he had to.

“Don’t you think that is somewhat….inappropriate?” Dumbledore inquired.

Now, that stoked his ire. “And what precisely are you trying to imply, Albus?” he asked. “I am _certainly_ not the only professor here that has hosted students in their quarters. I know for a fact that both Minerva and Filius have had students over for tea, and let’s not forget Hagrid.”

Dumbledore put a hand up, “None of that Severus. I was only asking. I wouldn’t want rumors to start.”

“There is nothing “inappropriate” going on between myself and Miss Granger. For Merlin’s sake, Albus. She’s a child.”

“I am well aware of her age, Severus. I’m just looking out for you and her, nothing more,” the wizard replied calmly. Like hell you are, Severus thought.

“Hem, hem”

Both men turned to the door to find Dolores Umbridge in all her pink glory, standing and smiling.

“I hope I’m not interrupting something,” She said primly.

“Of course not, Dolores,” said Dumbledore. “Just discussing our holiday plans.”

“Oh? It sounded like a disagreement,” she responded sweetly, eyeing them both.

Severus again had cause to roll his eyes, had Albus seriously forgotten to put up even a single privacy charm. “Not at all, Dolores,” Albus said. “I was only trying to convince Severus here to share his biscuits, but alas, I was unsuccessful. Come,” he said offering the stout witch his arm. “Why don’t we go up to my office for a spot of tea. I know that the house elves have made some lovely little cakes that would just go perfectly with it.”

Umbridge paused for a moment as if she might refuse the invitation. “I also heard,” Dumbledore continued. ”that you just acquired the most delightful new plate for your collection. You simply must tell me all about it.”

Dolores beamed at the change of subject and took the older wizard’s arm. “Of course, Albus. You must see it. It has the sweetest little Russian Blue on it with the cutest little markings.

Severus flicked his wand to shut and lock the door as soon as they vacated. He couldn’t think of the last time he was this eager to return to Spinner’s End. He stood. He really did need to continue his packing if he wanted to leave that evening. He looked down at the package of biscuits again. He snatched up the box and wrappings and returned to his quarters smiling. For the first time in forever, he actually had a reason to look forward to Christmas.


	8. Back on Track

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again to everyone that is reading, leaving kudos and comments! They are such an inspiration!

Severus had to admit to himself that his Christmas this year had been surprisingly….pleasant. He’d gone to the attic of Spinners End and uncovered the tea service that his mother had hidden so long ago. He’d hesitated to remove it, but decided that his mother would have approved of its use. So, he’d brewed his tea, grabbed his biscuits and sat in front of the fire. He reminisced and found that the act wasn’t as painful as he’d anticipated.

He remembered his mother. How she had worked to make Christmas and birthdays special, while hiding everything from his father. She had been such a quiet woman, so beaten down by his father that she seemed more shadow than person. Through those recollections though, he saw a glimmer of her emerge. One that deeply loved and cared for her son. He’d spent much of his life angry at her. Angry that she didn’t leave her husband. Angry that she couldn’t stop the abuse his father heaped upon them. Angry that, for all her power, she let a muggle dominate and hurt her so.

Distance softened that anger and hurt. Without it he found the means to treasure those stolen moments, the tea and biscuits at Christmas, the paper crowns she’d make him for his birthday, how she kissed his brow when he was ill. Every action she took, spoke of her love for her son. That was what he focused on that Christmas night as he ate his biscuits which tasted as good has he’d remembered and sipped his tea. All and all, it had been a surprisingly good holiday.

*********************************************************

His solitude was interrupted several times during the break. He’d gotten two summonses from the Dark Lord. One to update him on the doings at the school and with the Order, a second for a revel on New Year’s Eve. He hated revels. Large or small, they all were a dizzying combination of gluttony, lust and death. It spoke more to a lack of self-control, than a display of power. He found the whole ordeal distasteful and unbecoming even for Death Eaters. 

Thankfully the Dark Lord held similar views. Oh, he wouldn’t begrudge is followers the opportunity to let off steam and indulge in excess. He enjoyed the torture and death as much as the rest of them, but he preferred to indulge in more “civilized” pursuits in his leisure. Severus often attended to his Lord instead of indulging with the ruffians. He’d ended up spending most of the revel in the Dark Lord’s study playing wizard’s chess, drinking Ogden’s finest and conversing with the more refined of his brethren.

Of course, Severus’s other “master” had also made an appearance. Albus had decided that Potter did indeed need Occlumency lessons, and they should be started right away. He feared that the Dark Lord may be suspicious of Arthur’s fortuitously timed rescue and realize the link they shared. Severus wasn’t aware of any such suspicions, but the fiend had asked an inordinate number of questions on the Order’s guarding of the Department of Mysteries and of Arthur’s condition. He’d even been amused by the use of muggle technology to save the man. In other words, Albus may be on the right track.

That didn’t make the situation any better though. The thought of poking around in Potter’s head was less than appealing. He’d already had to do that with one adolescent and wasn’t looking forward to starting with another. It also didn’t help matters that his new pupil would not be quite as eager to learn as his previous one. Snape had again tried to convince the older wizard to teach the boy himself, but again was unsuccessful.

To make matters worse, Albus decided that Severus should be the one to go to Grimmauld Place to break the news to Potter and his mutt of a godfather. At least he’d provided him with a letter for Black, because they both knew that the man didn’t trust Snape one iota. Of course, Black acted with the same old juvenile arrogance and hot headedness he’d displayed since his Hogwarts days. 

It had almost been a relief when Potter arrived in the kitchen. The sooner the boy was told, the sooner he could leave. He’d been a fool. Potter’s presence had only escalated tensions to a boiling point that had almost resorted to blows and curses. Thankfully they had been interrupted by the Weasleys and Granger with Arthur in tow, finally released from the hospital. 

He quickly told the boy when and where to report for his “remedial potions lessons”. While he was surprised to see her there, he made quick eye contact with Granger. She gave him a slight nod. She understood. She would soon be needed to help with Potter’s training. He then turned and left without another word.

His life was precarious enough without adding Blacks in the mix. Sirius may have turned his back on his family, but he really wasn’t so different than the rest of his ilk. They were rash creatures and plagued with a deep-seated streak of madness. He’d seen that madness more times than he could count in Bellatrix. He’d seen that same madness reflected in the mutt’s eyes that night. Just as he’d seen it all those years ago when he’d been tricked into offering himself up as a werewolf’s meal.

************************************

He’d made sure to see Granger the evening they arrived back at school. “What has the boy said about his lessons?” he grilled the girl as he paced in front of the fireplace.

“ _Harry_ is…unhappy. He doesn’t see the point and has no interest in getting lessons especially from you,” she replied calmly from her chair. “Sir, surely you didn’t need to ask me here to know that.”

Snape stopped in his tracks and looked back at the girl. “ _Of course_ , I don’t, Miss Granger,” he said incredulously. “But you are here to give me insight and to assist me with teaching him, are you not?”

“ _Of course,_ I am,” she threw back at him. “Is that the only reason I’m here? For you to ask me questions that you already know the answers to?” She huffed.

“Well, I _certainly_ didn’t summon you here to mock me,” Severus sneered.

Hermione sighed, “Sorry, sir. It’s just been a long day, and I’m tired. Harry spent the entire train ride complaining, and well…it get’s old after a while.”

Severus studied the girl. She _did_ look tired, a bit pail and were her hands trembling? He frowned. “Miss Granger, have you eaten today?”

“Uh….well,” the witch looked thoughtful. “I guess not.”

“You _guess_ not? Explain,” the wizard demanded.

“Well, I was helping the boys pack this morning and missed breakfast. Mrs. Weasley did send some for me, but I gave it to Ron. He was just so hungry, and I really didn’t mind sharing.” She explained.

“Sharing, Miss Granger, involves _both_ parties getting a portion,” Snape interrupted. Hermione just shrugged so he motioned for her to continue.

“Uh, as I said, Harry was upset, and I wanted to support him _and_ help you of course. I just didn’t think he’d go on for so long. I then had a prefects meeting and started helping all the younger years get off the train when we arrived. A first year had a bit of a melt down so I spent some time with her and that’s when I got your summons. I didn’t want to make you wait so I came straight here,” she concluded.

Snape sighed. “Bilby!” the man called. A small house elf popped in.

“Sir?” he enquired.

“We require tea and refreshment. Miss Granger here missed her meals today.”

The elf gave Hermione a quick dirty look, which made the girl blush. He bowed respectfully though to the professor. “Right away, sir,” he said and popped away.

Snape looked to Hermione amused. Previously he’d had meals brought before the girl arrived, but he’d assumed she’d eaten before coming that day. “It seems that you still aren’t popular with the house elves. Are you still trying to liberate them?” he asked.

“No,” she said sullenly. “At least not that way. I understand I was wrong to try to trick them into gaining their freedom.”

“Have you told them that?” he pressed.

“They don’t want to talk to me,” she responded.

“And for good reason, from the sound of it. Perhaps you could draft an apology, and I can ensure that it is received,” he suggested.

Hermione brightened at the idea. “You’d do that for me, sir?” she asked hopefully.

“Well, I see it as more a service to the house elves than to you. We can’t have them going around the castle frightened that liberation may be around any corner,” he teased.

“Thank you, sir,” Hermione smiled as Bilby returned. He’d brought tea and sandwiches along with fresh fruit and biscuits. He left quickly before the girl could offer him thanks as well.

Snape moved the small table between their chairs and motioned for the girl to eat. He took his usual seat and availed himself of the refreshments as well. 

“I was surprised to see you yesterday at Grimmauld,” Severus started. “I didn’t know you’d planned on visiting after the holidays.”

“Oh, I didn’t,” she said. “Or, well, I obviously did go there, it was just that I got there before Christmas,” she explained.

Severus frowned, “ _Before_ Christmas? I thought you had plans with your family. You did seem to be looking forward to it when last we spoke.”

“I was,” Hermione agreed. “It’s just that Professor Dumbledore told me how Mrs. Weasley was spending most of her time at the hospital and was being run ragged trying to do that and keep everyone fed and such.”

“And he suggested that you could help,” he guessed.

Hermione nodded. “Yes, the Weasleys have been so good to me. It was the least I could do to help.”

“You do realize that there are other people at Grimmauld that are able to keep themselves fed. And what of your parents, what did they have to say about your plan?” he pressed.

“Oh, they were disappointed, but they understood. They are fond of the Weasleys too,” she explained.

Snape only nodded. The meddling old coot was at it again. He didn’t say anything though. No reason to distress her by pointing out the manipulation. He wasn’t one to spare someone’s feelings, but found he didn’t like the thought of hurting her. He was surprised by his restraint and gladdened that apparently there was still some humanity left in him.

He let the girl prattle on about her holiday. He found that he didn’t mind listening to her. The pleasant company warmed something deep inside of him, and he decided to bask in the glow for a while. Tomorrow would be difficult enough with the boy starting his lessons. He decided that this evening, he was more than content to relax and listen to his secretly favorite student.


	9. Meeting Expectations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for the delay in posting. I had a small surgery (very minor) last week, and it kicked my rear more that I thought it would. 
> 
> I also wanted to address a few questions I've gotten about Dumbledore and the manipulative Dumbledore tag I've added. First of all, Dumbledore isn't evil or uncaring, he's just in a tough position and has to make very difficult choices. It's the burden of leadership, especially during war. I feel that Dumbledore is pretty manipulative in the books. We don't see it quite as plainly since we're usually dealing with his students' impression of him. Severus, though, sees more of his machinations than most people. So he's not the bad guy, he just seems like one from time to time. 
> 
> I hope that explains it a bit. Now on to the story! :)
> 
> ***********************************

Severus Snape was right. Teaching the Potter brat was an absolute nightmare. The boy had no interest in learning, and he had no patience for laziness. It made teaching Hermione seem like a walk in the park compared to this. To make matters worse, the Dark Lord had been stepping up his plans, and that toad Umbridge was still lurking about causing trouble.

He came to dread his lessons with Potter as much as he came to look forward to his lessons with Granger. His meetings with her at least allowed him to catch up on his grading, and well, he _did_ enjoy the girl’s company. She’d been practicing over break, that much was evident, and she could now detect even more delicate intrusions. They often strategized on how best to teach Potter. 

Much to his chagrin, Granger had started to gently scold him on his teaching methods. While that irritated him to no end, he really couldn’t dispute her accusations. She _wasn’t_ wrong. He’d been a spy for most of his adult life. It required a great deal of cunning and control, but all of that was lost when he was near Potter. He knew it stemmed from his past, from Lily, from those damned Marauders. He was forced to deal with Lupin and Black at each Order meeting and Pettigrew when he was summoned to the Dark Lord. On top of all that, he now also had to contend with Bellatrix Lastrange. That was one harpy that he would have gladly never seen again. 

He was frustrated with himself, so he allowed Hermione to scold him, if only to assuage his guilt somewhat. He was well aware that if the boy managed to make any type of progress it would be thanks to her. He knew he was failing abysmally. He was being pulled in so many directions, that he felt as if he may break apart at any moment. He had to start pulling himself together. For Merlin’s sake, he was an adult, and yet the children were doing a better job than him at preparing for war. For all that Potter neglected his training, he was working hard teaching the other students defense against the dark arts in secret. What was _he_ doing? Moping like an adolescent, while children take the lead? 

He resolved to help where he was able. Since Potter couldn’t keep him from invading his mind, Snape had a clear view of the lessons the boy taught. He was impressed, although he had no intention of sharing that. There was still a lot the boy had to learn, but he thought he had a way to help out in that regard. He just needed to run the idea by Hermione.

************************

“Miss Granger,” he began. Hermione looked up from the essay she was grading. “I don’t need you to confirm this, but I am aware of your Monday night meetings.”

Hermione’s eyes went wide in alarm. She opened her mouth to speak, but Snape raised his hand to halt her. “As I said, I don’t need confirmation, I already know. I have no intention of turning you in. In fact, I would like to offer my assistance.”

Hermione frowned, “H-how did you find out?” 

“You weren’t always as adept as you are now at hiding your thoughts,” he explained. “Mister Potter, on the other hand has _never_ been adept at it, and I have a very clear idea of what you are doing. I also suspect that you cannot speak of it to others, is that correct.”

Hermione nodded. “Good, it’s wise to be cautious, especially in these trying times.”

“How could you help if we can’t discuss the subject?” the witch asked. 

“Simply,” he responded. “I get the information I need from Potter without him betraying whatever oath he took, and then I can teach you how to improve on your training. There are many spells, charms and hexes that could prove most valuable. I can teach them to you and then you, in turn, can teach them to your friends.”

“You’d do that for us?” Granger looked hopeful. 

“Of course, it was my idea, was it not?” he questioned.

The girl smiled brightly at him, and he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he’d made the right decision.

****************

So, his lessons with Granger changed to include defense training. It was easy enough for her to pass on what she learned. No one questioned a know-it-all. Everyone just assumed that she’d read it in some book or another. She learned quickly and with Potter’s help was able to improve the other children’s defensive skills. 

They began meeting twice a week. On Tuesday evenings, they discussed Potter’s progress or lack there of and then had defense training. On Thursdays they maintained their old routine of a meal, grading and occlumency. He had begun teaching her how to direct her thoughts in order to distract and mislead intruders. He was proud of the girl, so very proud. It made training Potter almost bearable. Almost.

********************

The tedious mellow drama in Potter’s head was unbearable. He had no desire to wade through endless Quidditch strategies, adolescent infatuations, and all the bluster and pomp of the self-absorbed boy. It was enough to give a wizard a headache. The boy lacked focus. Even with Hermione’s outside coaching, Potter’s occlumency skills were as non-existent as the day they started. They both found the whole effort pointless and a waste of time. Unfortunately for the them, Dumbledore didn’t agree with that assessment.

“Professor, would you mind delivering this for me?” Hermione’s voice was almost timid.

Severus looked up from his meal, drawn from his musings. “What’s this now?”

“It’s the letter, sir. For the elves, you said you would deliver it to them.” She looked at him expectantly then continued. “Um…that is…..unless you’ve changed your mind, of course. I would understand if you did, I’m sure….”

Snape brought his hand up in a now familiar motion to stop her ramble. He then reached out to take the letter. “May I?” he asked.

“Oh, yes, please. I’d appreciate your insight,” the witch said enthusiastically.

The wizard quickly read through the letter. It was blessedly only one page long. The prose was a little too flowery for his taste and probably for the elves as well, but it was earnest and sincere. “This will work,” he said after a moment. “I will deliver it to Bilby later this evening.”

“Oh, thank you, sir!” She smiled so brightly that he almost felt the warmth of it in his own heart. It was a peculiar feeling, but pleasant enough.

“It is no trouble, Miss Granger. I see Bilby often. It is but a simple matter to hand it off.” The wizard said dismissively.

“Even so, sir. Thank you. It means a lot,” she pressed.

“Hmmph,” he hummed noncommittally and returned his attention to his plate. Hermione, still smiling, happily returned to her plate as well.

**************************

“Have you heard anything?” Hermione asked as soon as Severus had opened the door to his chambers.

“No, Miss Granger,” he drawled. It had been two weeks since he’d handed off the witch’s apology and no response had been given. The girl was a bundle of nerves. Not only was she concerned by the elves’ silence, the OWLS were quickly approaching. She was revising like mad. She had pushed her housemates to study so often, that half would no longer speak to her and went out of their way to avoid the persistent little witch.

Hermione removed her outer robe and hung it on a hook by the door. “Do you think I should do something else? Perhaps I should have apologized in person. Maybe I could stop by the kitchen…..”

“I think we both know that would not be appreciated, Miss Granger.” Snape interrupted. “They will respond, or they will not. It will do no good to pressure them. Be patient.”

“Easy for _you_ to say,” Hermione grumbled.

Severus let the cheek slide as he handed her a book. “We are going to study something a little different today,” he announced.

“No defense training then?” the witch questioned. 

“No, but this is just as valuable.” He responded.

The girl looked down at the book. “The Wild Witch & Wizard’s Guide for Health & Healing,” she read. 

“This was my mother’s book. It’s a staple in many wizarding families. A basic, let’s say…book of home remedies and self-care methods. It may seem simple, but the information in this book has saved my life on more than one occasion,” he explained.

“Knowing basic triage and first aid can be as vital in battle as shields and hexes. I’ve seen men die before healers could be summoned. A simple bonding spell can sometimes be the difference between life and death.”

They both sat in their chairs in front of the fire as Severus started his lesson. Hermione listened with rapt attention, taking copious notes. They were deep into a discussion on the proper way to set a broken bone, when a folded note on top of a silver plate popped into being on top of the coffee table, addressed to Hermione.

She reached out for it with trembling fingers. They both knew exactly who had sent the missive. Hermione slowly unfolded the note, then let out a gasping sob. Severus sat up quickly at her reaction. “Miss Granger?” he enquired when the girl remained quiet. The witch looked up at him, face beaming despite the tears. That bright smile on her face once again as she handed the note to her professor. It only contained two words.

“Apology Accepted”.


	10. Self-Awareness

Severus Snape had fucked up. He had fucked up royally, and he _knew_ it. Unfortunately, he just couldn’t bring himself to remedy the situation. He just _couldn’t._ He’d sacrificed so much of himself over the years, given up on _every_ dream and _every_ hope that he’d once had for the future as modest as they had been. He had become nothing more than a tool in the defeat of the Dark Lord, focused on his never-ending penance. Could he not be granted some agency over his own mind, his own thoughts, his own personal hell? Apparently not.

That entitled, self-absorbed boy had brazenly spied on one of the worst moments of his life. That moment he had lost Lily as his best and truest friend. The only moment that eclipsed it being the day that Lily had been lost to this world forever. Now, another Potter had come to feed off his misery. Fuck! The boy had just started to make progress in his training too, but no. He couldn’t. He had no desire to see _that_ memory play out in the brat’s head.

He knew he should resume lessons with the boy, but he could barely _look_ at him at the moment. Potter had not returned, and for that he was grateful. It had been immediately evident that Granger had been apprised of the situation. She hadn’t said as much, but he could tell. Thankfully Albus had yet to stick his nose in to attempt a reconciliation.

Hermione continued their routine. She avoided bringing up Potter most of the time, although she would occasionally drop a mild suggestion that he should resume the boy’s lessons. While he agreed, he still couldn’t bring himself to do so. He was fairly certain that she was nagging Potter as well. 

He threw himself into Hermione’s lessons as if that would make up for his short comings. He knew that it didn’t, but he also knew that the girl enjoyed learning and was an apt student. He worked to hone her occlumency skills while broadening her knowledge of defense and healing. This happy little routine came to a screeching halt when Potter’s little underground defense “club” was discovered. Dumbledore fled, and Umbridge became the next headmistress. 

Severus had been genuinely surprised to discover that the toad was even more insufferable as head of the school. It hadn’t taken long before she started to question his lessons with Granger. It was obvious that the woman didn’t like the girl whether due to her tenacious defense of the abused or simply because of her association with Potter, he did not know. 

Of course, it might also have had something to do with Merrietta Edgecomb. She certainly suspected that Hermione had something to do with the girl’s appearance. So, did he for that matter. It was an impressive piece of jinx work, and clearly beyond Potter’s expertise. No, Hermione definitely had a hand in it. He didn’t know she had it in her to be so devious. He was proud. It would certainly make people think twice about crossing her in the future. Well, not Umbridge, that toad seemed to have no sense at all apart from her all-consuming ambition.

Delores decided that it was inappropriate for Granger to get advanced training, when that same opportunity hadn’t been offered to other talented students. Ultimately, he’d been given a choice, end the lessons or open them up to other worthy students. She’d allowed him to continue the Thursday night meetings, after he told the woman that Granger worked as an aide on those nights, grading papers and maintaining his supplies. He’d thanked the toad for her generosity.

So, he opened up the lessons to “qualified” students. As expected, the prospect of spending extra time with the dower professor wasn’t appealing to most. He did have some takers though, a small group of Slytherins, like Draco Malfoy and Daphne Greengrass that seemed to have genuine interest and aptitude in the topic. He’d also attracted a few fearless Ravenclaws, eager for knowledge and a lone Hufflepuff. The biggest surprise had been the Weasley twins. While their grades had never been spectacular, he knew that the duo was highly intelligent and resourceful. After much consideration, he decided to take them on as well.

Severus hadn’t been too disappointed to lose the Tuesday lesson time. Since he was no longer training Potter, and the DA had been discovered, there had been no reason to continue them anyway. Plus, he found the lessons to be quite rewarding when the entirety of the class, including the Weasleys, were focused and eager to learn. He wondered if he would have enjoyed teaching more, had he been given a class as enthusiastic as this. As much as he hated Umbridge, this turn of events worked out quite well for him.

**********************

The Weasley twins’ appearance in Snape’s advanced potions class, ended up being shockingly short. They had only attended for a few weeks before they flew off in a blaze of glory, leaving chaos in their wake. He had to admit that he liked their style. While Dumbledore’s flight from Hogwarts had been impressive, it paled in comparison to the Weasleys’ exit. Severus found the whole situation highly amusing.

Umbridge was apoplectic with rage. She did not appreciate such open defiance of her authority. It became a frequent topic of discussion in staff meetings. She had wanted to expel the remaining Weasleys in retaliation, but found that such action would not be kindly received by the Board of Governors. The younger siblings were deemed innocent in their brothers’ “ghastly attack” and thus would remain in school.

*************************

The Thursday sessions with Hermione continued. They still shared a meal on those nights, but he often allowed her to revise afterwards in peace. The OWLS were now setting all the fifth years on edge, and Granger would occasionally get kicked out of her common room for being a bit too pushy about studying. Severus was happy to offer her a quite place to revise without disruption.

It also gave him a chance to look into her wellbeing. The stress was making her jumpy, and she had started skipping meals. He didn’t like how thin she was getting. “Miss Granger,” he said one night.

“Yes, professor,” she replied without looking up, nose stuck in a book.

“You have barely touched your meal,” he observed.

“Hmmm….I’m not very hungry right now,” she responded absently while she turned the page.

“Miss Granger,” Snape repeated, but the girl didn’t respond. Severus reached over and snatched the book away, causing Hermione to let out a shocked and quite indignant gasp. Well, that got her attention, Snape thought.

“Professor!” the witch exclaimed. “Sir, I _need_ to study! OWLS are only a few weeks away.”

“Yes, and all this revising will be useless if you pass out during your first exam,” he said calmly. 

Hermione folder her arms over her chest and glared at the man. Severus paid it no mind though, setting the book aside.

“Eat,” he commanded. When the girl made no move for her plate, he added, “Now!”

Finally, the child relented and started to pile food onto her plate. Apparently she _was_ hungry, because she ate far more than she typically did. Skipping meals had a habit of doing that.

Once they’d both finished, Snape handed her back her book.

“I’m sorry, sir, for being so snappy,” she said quietly.

“Not to worry, Miss Granger. I believe my feelings can take the assault,” he smirked, and she let out a giggle. “You really do need to learn to pace yourself though. You’ll end up doing more harm than good, if you continue to disregard your own wellbeing. Food and rest are vital to human survival, Miss Granger. One disregards them at their own peril.”

“Yes, professor,” she replied. “I’ll do better, I promise.”

Severus highly doubted that this promise would go unbroken. At least you can make sure she eats here, he thought. It surprised him sometimes, how concerned he was of her. He had become so invested. Perhaps that was why Dumbledore had warned him off. Investment brought hurt, it brought pain and death , at least in _his_ experience. Even so, he didn’t want to change anything. He wasn’t sure that he deserved any happiness in his life, but he accepted it all the same. He had a hard time quantifying it, though. _Why_ did he care for a girl that he had no….romantic ties to (he shuddered at the thought), no familial ties, no house ties? She treated him with respect, she trusted him and he appreciated that. She had taught him how rewarding teaching can be which was definitely not something that his years at Hogwarts had done.

In the end, Severus decided that he simply didn’t care. The girl would benefit from his teaching, so it was worthwhile to continue as things were. Besides wasn’t it normal to care about others? Didn’t people do it all the time? Why not him? Why couldn’t he have something uncomplicated and simple. An interesting discussion with an intelligent pupil, a jest said during a shared meal, the knowledge that someone would actually miss him, if he were gone, none of that sounded so out of the ordinary. None of that sounded wrong or inappropriate. Perhaps it only seemed strange due to his own stand-offish nature. Whatever the reason, he had absolutely _no_ desire to deny himself this little slice of normality.


End file.
